Right so this is my life as it is.

I went to uni on Friday, partied for three nights and then came home.

I have emailed someone that interviewed me in Meadowhall to tell them that I can work for them because I am no longer at/going to uni, they have given me a mini-interview on Sunday.

I have an appointment at the Dole on Monday as a back up plan and because when you’re unemployed, you have no choice but to get jobseekers unless you have a shitload of savings, which in case you haven’t guessed, I haven’t.

I am also in Lesbians with someone. Well maybe. I hope so. Yeah this is the love sitch.

I met a guy Sunday at a Traffic Light party who was staying in the same accommodation as me when I was a temporary student, he’s pretty cool but a knob when he’s drunk and he’s someone I normal wouldn’t go for, for pretty obvious reasons, but he likes me and he called me beautiful and me being me decided while drunk that I liked him and wanted sex, but my mind said ‘no, go to your own bed.’ and I did and that’s all that has come of that, apart from a few texts.

But alongside this week, I have realised twice over my feelings for someone that I consider to be a best friend.

I always liked him for ages, when I first met him he had a girlfriend, then he didn’t but rejected me because he liked his best friend so I move on and got a guy and then he hated on me and crushed me majorly but I got over it because I wasn’t in massive lesbians with him in the first place. Then I got asked out on a date, except I knew I was going to be asked out on a date at the start of the week before he got a chance to ask me but me being me listened to my friends saying I should say I’m busy or whatnot because I wasn’t sure of what I wanted and I blew that whole ship up and survived on an iceburg to live in continual misery for the next few months. 

I kept the fact that I liked the guy quiet, apart from to him until the other week.

We went out round Rotherham fo Jenny’s birthday and in the middle of pop, while drunk, I confessed all to my bestest friend, and said that I actually really liked the guy and I wanted to be with him because as childishish he is, he is genuinely a lovely person to be with and he’s kind and he things I’m funny and now I’m blushing. But yeah I confessed to it and she just said that I should have for what I felt but in a way I was glad that I hadn’t because I knew that I needed the summer and stuff to just chill out and be lonely and to work things out for uni.

But they were the wrong reasons and I like this guy and have just sent him two asks confessing (kind of) my affections and an apology for not going out on a date for him in the first place. As I sit here now, in bed, watching would I lie to you, having an ugly day and not over at his party, I believe solemnly that I would love to be with him, as a good friend or more. I’m not the only one in this. 

And though I doubt that anyone will have read this or to this point anyway, writing this has made me a little more happy that I am getting feelings off my chest, which the butterflies say otherwise but yeah I am moderately happy.

The only things that will make me happier now would be for me to get this job Sunday, get the guy, have a wicked time being a student round Sheffield with him and then eventually but hopefully soon becoming a PCSO in my local area before going on to become PC Clo.

I hope to make a sexy badass cop, whom I will role play in the bedroom most definitely.

Thanks for reading if you have, feel free to send me an ask with comments on my life because atm I am feeling like I am Jenna Hamilton on Awkward yes I have seen both Series, mostly on gorillavid. Thankyou and fingers crossed.